my saving grace

the sky is wonderful!!! :)

i'm still trying to figure out what to do. KCUF

AV owns the sky.

i have a bunch... :)

i miss my friendzzz.

cloudz

so i live in apple valley, ca. the sky here is thee absolute best. so i thought i'd post all my new cloud pictures on dis shit. :)

this was driving "down the hill" one day.

it's one of my favorites.

:(

nothing comes close to you.

at last

im working. working a lot.
i can't seem to get a grasp of things though.
i am trying really hard though, for real this time.
i feel so alone. it's not all that bad.
i love the perks that come with my job.
i get to smoke weed with my boss and roll blunts for him.
niiiice. :)

i'm still missing something.
well not missing, i need to get rid of it then fill it with something better.
the end.

starved

why are you so starved for attention? it's something everyday with you and you have no idea. so shitty. i don't want it anymore. i want to go home. i really do.

fuck.

the point?

why is this happening to me? there hasn't been one day that has been all good. not one.
it's killing me. i hope things will end soon.


if you're hiding something, please tell me.

misery

what did i do to everyone?
i feel like i don't exist.

i love

l.a.!! haha...i love mistys house.

i miss you.

someday...

i'll get out of here...but when?

i hate you.

FMLife.

...rolling with the punches...but when will

they stop? :( life sucks.

just like yesterday...

i told you i would stay.

happy easter! (to those who care)
i am glad i get to do something...i'm always doing something
on easter..but this one seems way different. at least i get to go
to a bbq.

i want to move so bad! i want to get out of that damn house
i'm never there but i'm still there...i want out.
help me! well i gotta help myself first.

fuck fuck fuck.
make it easy.
please?

lame pants

something isn't right. why do some people go out of their way to get hurt? i'm one of those people. i try so hard to find things that will hurt me. i don't do it on purpose. well at least i don't think i do. but i find things, and they hurt me more than anything. i'm such a fucking baby. someone be there...please?


there's this list...it makes me question myself more than anything else. yeah, i have a list. the only difference between our lists is you're right on top and well..you know, i'm not.

fuck me.

excuses

...and i made an excuse, and you found another way to tell the truth. i put no one else above us. we'll still be best friends when all turns to dust...

you're my best friend.
i'm glad you're here.


sometimes things just get in the way, but you don't.
i wish i didn't feel like i do.

i'm hanging

HIGH. i'm so high.

i need sleep. i need sleep!!!
>.<
i've gotta go to some lab on monday to run some tests.
i hope it's nothing serious. i'm so scared. it was too
intense today. i have never felt pain like this before.

"...and when it hurts the most, i push a little more...i'm back where i started at, you know i'm a little lost..."

what is happiness?
r-pocket AH! ^_^
for now....burn.


this is not true. this is not real. this is not good.
show me the way.

it's obvious

that i do.

i'm so faded. i am about to go to sleep..
zzZzzZzzzZzzZzzZ....^_^ come sleep with me?
i wish! today was such a nice day. tomorrow should
be better. i hate sundays but for some reason i know
this one will be different.

"if you promise to stay concious i will try and do the same."

tales of ordinary madness

the free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.


you make me feel good.
are you a free soul?
be mine.

i've been trying

to figure out..
what it means to have a heart
when we're apart.


today will be a good day.
this weekend will be a good one.
i'm still confused as to what this is.
but this is good. it feels good.
i'm glad you came around.

let's just go.

there are moments

that take us to another place. i've been having those moments.
i'm not sure whether to take this seriously or not. i know, i know.
it's casual...yeah, casual. just that.

"i am pulling my courage once again."

women

"that's the problem with drinking, i thought, as i poured myself a drink. if something bad happens, you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen."

i must belong somewhere

yesterday was such a chill day. the weather was so nice.
i stayed in my p.j.'s until the sun went down. i left with tyler
and we decided that we were going to see a movie! but before
that could happen we had to smoke a blunt. so we did.
i went into cvs with him and had to walk right out. i was so
so so SO high. i felt like it was my first time smoking weed.
haha it was pretty "highlarious" truuuue. saw the wolfman,
good story but oh so cheesy. it was funny.

i went to claremont skate park today. i got to fall on my knees.
it's all good though, it didn't do much. i played some b-ball.
got high, played some more b-ball. it was fun. again, the weather
was very nice. i love these days. i just need them to keep going.

i'm going to start reading this book, i'm just afraid that i won't
finish it...and this is one i really want to get through. so i think
i'm going to push myself to do it. i've gotta go sleep now. i need
some rest before i begin this night.


i can't do everything and have everything.
what do i do?

...but you went away.

i went to l.a. on saturday with tyler. we got to go to this museum
i've been telling him about. we smoked a blunt and the people
who worked there totally called us out on it. shiiiit. we stayed
anyway. got some in-n-out, then some *bucks. ha
good day....then comes midnight. AHHH. valentine's day
there's E! >.< fuck.

i swore to myself i'd never ever do it again. BUT, i did.
it was okay, nothing special. kicked it with my friends.
i actually got to sleep once i came into my house.
oh and i had an appetite all yesterday which was awesome.
so my v-day was spent on a drug...which i guess was
weird, but what're you gonna do?

today is my moms 46th birthday.
tokyo kitchen! yummy. tyler was a pal today and
drove us to the mountains. mia got to go hiking with us.
got so stoney. it was great. my day seems so long
and it's not close to being over.



i want to hide you, i want to protect you.
i won't let anyone take you away.

hating hater

i had a pretty cool night last night. i didn't think i was going to do much.
got some brew and cigs...went to the mountains with tyler d.
saw thee most coolest mountains (my mountains) covered in white snow.
listened to some good tunes, smoked some bowls, and put in some hate work.
finally got home at 5am. got some good sleep, got up and had
myself a good day today. i hope i can get some work done tomorrow.
a lot of work. i will. i've gots to! anyways, i have to go do some homework
for mr. t.d. and finish my beer =]

nighty night.

aye yo b, i got 'em.

i would give everything to never think of you again.
it's sad.

faydead.

i set my alarm to wake up early and my phone died on me.
so i ended up getting up at 1:20 pm. fuck.

i did have a good day though. i went up to the mountains with
the boys and smoked a couple bluntzzz. got faded
came home and ate SOOO much. i mean so much.
i'm still full. washed clothes, cleaned up shit, watched
the lakers win! hell yeah.

i need to do some work but i'm being a procrastinator!
it's movie time, gotta go.
^_^

oh, love!

love. love. love. look at that word. who knew it could possibly hold all it does? it holds mental stability, comfort, everything good and bad. FUCK, love, it's the worst/best thing i've ever felt in my life. unfortunately it gets the best of us. we all have this idea of it, this set idea that it should be a perfect storybook, so we strive for that..and we don't realize it can't possibly be that way. so we get fed up and we stop trying. love should be its own individual thing for everyone. we shouldn't all expect the same thing with different people. but how do we make it work with all the imperfetions, getting all those preset ideas out of our heads? i don't know. i know i love you, and i know our love wasn't even close to being a perfect storybook. i guess we just have to keep trying. we can't give up, once we give up, it gives up on us. i just love you and that's it. it won't go away, it won't slowly fade. it will always be within me. i will figure it out someday and you will too. we just have to believe we will. there's no use in thinking we won't.

'cause this will turn out all right.

i'm in this weird writing mood.
it's theeee wine. o_O

i know not who i am

you said you hate my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me. you'd always be there. well where are you now?


a lie.

it's fucking freezing outside. i gave up on something right now, i'm not sure how to take it though.
i guess i knew it would be this way. it's just that i had hope in this. i never give enough.

tomorrow is a new day to think about.
today was just the beginning.

who dat?

yaaaaaaah. fuckin' saints came through.
my house was full of people today and it was nice.
i finally got to see kelly and her baby! i love 'em.
i just cleaned a whole bunch now i'm trying to relax
sippin' on this wine...it's kinda good. opps >.<

my over all weekend was good. i like not doing
much. it makes me appreciate the times i do.
this year is going to be such a good year.
i know it and everyone else knows it too.
i just wish some things were still around but
change is good. change is constant. so i have to
learn to deal. maybe tonight we'll just talk to
each other.

"operator won't you please connect me, i've got to get through, got to touch my baby."

why won't you call?
i live to make you free.

was it a dream?

FUCK! haha, i had a crazy/fun night.
it felt like a dream. i can finally say that i
like the rain...or at least i did last night.
i got to stand in it and just enjoy it.
LOL. i got stalked too.
the best part was the _ _ _ _.
^_^ just casual. just casual.

staying up 'till almost sunrise for the past 2 days
is exhausting, but it's almost worth it.
i spend too much of my time sleeping anyway.

lakers finally beat the trailblazers in oregon!
first time since feb. 2005. super stoked.
AND they did it without kobe. KOBE!
my night is just about to begin.
good night.

the true dream is being able to dream at all.

embrace the changes

i finally did a little bit of work today.
my abdominal pain went away and now it's back. ugggh.
i just smoked two bowls by myself and i'm H-I-G-H.
now i'm listening to thee lovely joanna newsom.
she makes me think of mike morales for some reason...maybe
because he introduced me to her. i miss his voice.

i can't wait for the summer...up north or more east? difficult decision.
choices choices...so many. i have to make one now...
hang out with mike d.? or just sleep? i'm pretty sleepy.
plus, i have a big day ahead of me tomorrow...or i'd like
to think i do. higher. maybe a shoot?

my mom called me an artist today...it made me smile.
even though i'm not even close to being one.


the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have.
i like things i'm not supposed to have.

"that's just the way it is, things will never be the same." -2pac

doctors suck

so i didn't go to the doctor's tonight.
i'm going to try to get through this night in hopes
that i can go tomorrow. i'm in so much pain it's horrible.
i don't know how to sleep.
i just hope this doesn't have to result in anything drastic
like surgery...that shit would SUCK balls.

crossing fingers.

you have to emerse yourself in an entirely different world to find yours.
trying so hard..

i'm at the edge...will you push me, please?

i am tough

shits getting done. i'm lovin' it. it's very boring and tedious but i've gotta do what i've gotta do. i haven't started working yet, but i'm pretty much ready to. school's around the corner! ahhhh o_O

i just realized that even though i have no real friends anymore, i'm doing something for myself that i probably wouldn't have due to me having those friends. a real friend will come soon.

kobe! number one scoring laker...in laker history. how dope is that?
i think i have a lil' school girl crush, but that's going to stay on the deep down low. for realzzz. they will never know. i need to stick to my resolution.

..and i am difficult too...but if you put forth the effort,
well...i'm worth it. or at least i like to hope i am.

mt. baldy...fucking amazing.

structure

i'm learning still. STILL

i had a good day. i woke up, went to bj's and ate some bombies.
the lakers beat the celtics! yeaaah. by one point. way to go kobe.
i then went to the park with michael and we smoked and talked a lot
about music and just life. it's nice to feel familiar and heard.
got some legends and came home.
now i'm so tired and i can't wait to sleep.

my dreams just aren't what they used to be.
god, i just love new music.
thanks, AGAIN.

...if you let me in, i won't let you down.
i promise.

i found

YOU.
AND you're worth waiting a lifetime for.
AND i would...if you asked. :)

i'm doing whatever it takes to rebuild the trust that i lost.
i finally got a job, actually two jobs. i can't wait.
i'm going to school too. this is all so exciting for
me. i've never been happier. things are going the right way
for me, FOR ONCE. i have certain things i still need to work
on, but that's everyone. my days are longer and nights are
shorter, but it's all worth it.


"ying can't happen when yang don't exist."

p.s.
happy 2nd birthday, dad.
see you later.

time.

time waits for no man. time heals no wounds.
all any of us wants is more time.. time to
stand up, time to grow up, time to let go.
time.





even when we win, we don't.

i know it's all around me

the love. i can't feel it just yet.
don't worry, my friend. i'll come around.

i got some. yeah, some. got it.
like that.

^_^


new music is always a cheer up.
thank you, michael.

times change

when times change...shit sucks.
but is it for the better or worse? i hope in my case
the better. i need to work up some courage for this one.
i'm on this boat that keeps on sinking...someone save me.
just not you.

"won't you please lay with me, while i think, i'll think of wonderful things."

maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
maybe i'm not supposed to be happy.
BLAH! i'm fucking happy. fuck.

p.s.
happy birthday, dad.

i know...

i'm not on the top of your list, but i'll tell you this
i can see it on your face. i know it's not fun anymore
but i'll show you more, don't count me off.
don't count me off, cause i wait for you here like i've never been there,
with courage and fear, where the distant are near.


things that are right aren't meant to take this long.
i think i'm at that breaking point.
SAVE YOURSELF.

just when you think you've gotten through the bullshit, it decides to start all over.

once i...

wanted to be the greatest.

there's so much going on in my life and it's nothing to me.
there's always people in and out..in and out..
it's nothing to me.

i know what i want but i know i don't need it.
i need myself. i need time. i need to READ.

i can't sleep, i've taken so much nyquil..
i feel drunk...i wish it were a real feeling though

you're useless. you're pointless. you seem to be saving her...
i'm just so fucking sad.
BLAH!

if this were...

your last day on earth...how would you want to spend it?
i know exactly how and who i would spend it with.
but for some reason it makes me feel sad.
time to think...oh and vent a 'lil!


fuck you fuck you fuck you
FUCK YOU, WILL.
fuck you for thinking that you "know" me.
you have no idea why i did the things i did.
disappear!


HA! finally...

now off to problem number 2....god damnit.

p.s.
i finally got to go to a fucking laker game...so GO LAKERS!!!
(it was auuusome)

slow down

i haven't learned yet.
i miss you, my friend.

things just ain't the same no more.
i kinda like it though.