yea, i blow clouds

blown. >.<

the desert was a bust! but it's ok i'll get to go one day.
my parents left for tonight so you know what that means..
chillin with the homies! very nice ^_^
i hope i find out what i want out of everything
i never thought i could be so mad at someone
but last night he pushed me to my limit and i couldn't stop shaking
fuck me for letting him get to me. so pissed
well im outta here for the night.. peace!


"water is life"

learn to live

the lakers kicked ass last night...so good!
another game tonight...i better get to watch it.
im glad things cleared up and i can move on now
leaving for the desert tomorrow morning
ive never been, so im hoping it will be a very good time

let's go to yosemite!



i hope that in the end it is all worth it.

do what you gotta do

sometimes you just have to.
i left my house around 3:30pm yesterday to go play music with ricky.
we got high and jammed for a bit...watched the laker game
he asked me when i wanted to leave and i told him whenever
so we rode bikes to the dba..drank some beer and watched the rest of the game
they won ^_^ awesome
went back to rickys..jammed again..ate some bomb spaghetti..then ended the night
i enjoyed this night very much..
it was actually weird not having a phone on me...no one to bug me!
it seems like all these people talk to me because they have some crazy intention of wanting
more than just my friendship...it sucks.
i hate being so trusting and nice to people
but how else can i be when the way i used to be was even worse?

i'm going to miss my baby!!!




"You can avoid disappointment by realizing that the fulfillment of a promise may not mean as much to someone else as it does to you."

we need a miracle

i saw Salinger last night...barely made it for the last song but it was goood!
i can't wait to practice with them and see if i could fit something in ^_^
hopefully today will happen with ricky, it's been awhile
i went to will's grandparents house...kinda awkward but it was ok
"not that bad"
i want to get really faded on a pretty day and stare at the clouds
the clouds suck today =/

i wish it were like this...



...let's stay together

im so tired of being alone

i love al green.
lakers won! thats whats up!
so i saw the LAMEST doctor in the world today...
waited an hour and a half just to see the doc for 3 minutes
got some antibiotic crap..lets just hope it works
i feel so shitty
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck my throat.
goodnight.



so fucking hot.
(i never say that about anyone)

when enough is enough

i've had it..i've always known what i wanted and have always gotten it for a long time...but this time when i really want it back..i know i cant have it. it's long gone.
fuck fuck fuck i want to be done being sick and sore.
im tired and cant ever sleep so i miss half my day to sleeping in.
i need a new job and a new set of ideas.
night time mistakes..are what i'm good at! fuck
this was the ONLY good part though..



save me from myself

"but in my head i hear my momma say...

how many times have i told you...
you can't hang onto the past."
i'm doing that right now, i can't let go.
what the hell was i thinking? it's too hard
BUT it has to happen...it does.
no more past bullshit and no more of that one past person who made me feel like shit.
right now i feel like i should be alone
no going out no talking to anyone but the people who are around me
maybe ill come out a new person...haha not...i can try though
you are driving me insane



i think what i need more than anything else in the world is to be told (just once) that a friend doesn't know what they would do without me.

i highly doubt that will ever happen.
someone told me today, "you're a bad person."
i wanted to just get up and leave...probably because it's true.

being the victim

i need a new direction.
my everyday life is so dull but it is getting to be a little too much for me.
i have so much shit to think about day to day.
some decision making is going to go down today
and i probably will hurt some feelings in the process of it...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
sigh sigh sigh...
next sunday will be good, i really hope i get my ticket in the mail to go!
i really really hope i get to be part of this music group.
it'd be something to get me out of this loop i'm in.


this would be a great way to look at how i am feeling at this moment..

being honest is lame

i tried to be honest with someone last night and it blew up in my face
all i wanted was to know that i am not just being messed with
i think people forget i have feelings too
>.< i want to fly away to a new place with new faces and new adventures
sounds good to me




"we fly together or not at all"

sometimes it's ok

to feel sad.
i want to know that someone is there, but it doesn't seem that way at all.
i kind of feel used to some extent..in a way i won't say though.
going on and going on..it's all some can do...oh and it's all i can do for right now.
someone should find me and save me.
i can't save myself, i gave that up awhile ago.




all that sad bullshit sucks...maybe cause i am constantly surrounded by it.
i hate living here, it makes my days horrible and it makes me a bad person.
today should be different, if today wants to be nice.

this is how i feel